


how to (not) cope with deletion

by 4cky



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Canonical Character Death, determined hakuno is determined, follows fate/extella zero storyline, god well i guess thats a big ol spoiler out of the way, vague Hakuno/Archer, vague Hakuno/Rani VIII
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-03-06 21:38:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13420149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4cky/pseuds/4cky
Summary: Hakuno Kishinami (she) was not someone who could exist, who ever existed, and her defeat was inevitable.Even so, she would fight death, as she'd fought dozens of times before.Who better to help a hero in the process of deletion than a Servant in the same situation?





	1. Chapter 1

So this was what death felt like. Deletion, she supposed. Hakuno Kishinami (who was not the Hakuno Kishinami) tried to hold onto the feeling of existing. The Lunar Sea was not particularly conducive to unique sensation, but she did her best to remember the feeling of pulling air into her lungs, the taste of roll cake, the smell of spices in Rani’s cooking. The feeling of warm arms around her.

If nothing else, she could force herself to remember that, at least in her final moments.

But, as she floated in the sea with nothing but her memories, she thought of how unfair it was. Doomed from the start, that was her life, and no matter how much she pushed herself or her servant nothing would change that. It wasn’t fair. The fact that it wasn’t fair, that she’d never get to exist simply because she wasn’t correct by way of the system, all of this congealed into a rage that engulfed her.

For Hakuno Kishinami (she) would not go gently into that good night. She wasn’t the sort to accept the facts as they were given to her; Hakuno Kishinami (she) was not someone who simply took the things given to her and called it a day. Hakuno Kishinami (she) understood she’d been defeated, she heard the final echos of her servant talking to her, apologizing for failing her (he had done no such thing), but it was not something she would welcome with open arms.

The circumstances pissed her off. Not her servant’s death, no, the fact that even if she won the events that transpired would have caused her failure regardless. The blood she’d gotten on her hands, every victory she and her servant fought tooth and nail for, it was all meaningless. So she fought against it. Greeting death with a smile wasn’t her, she would say hello with teeth bared and fists up, because her servant, her friends, her enemies, had fought too hard to simply let her go. She had fought too hard to let Hakuno Kishinami (herself) go.

Resisting deletion was painful. Stupid. Yet with every fiber of her being, she pushed against it, refusing to let herself accept death gracefully. It’s what they would’ve wanted. The nondescript bit of erroneous code screamed, swimming against the tides of the Lunar Sea, a single word against her disintegrating 1s and 0s. “NO!”

It hurt, what remained of her body throbbed in the agony of death, feeling like it was being compressed into a smaller and smaller box that she kicked and screamed against. If nothing else, she’d never let her death be easy, she owed that much to the people who loved her. Pain seared through her like a fire, burning sensation and memories out of her, trying to force her to forget again. But she refused.

“I WON’T DIE FOR YOU!” she screamed at the nothingness of the ocean she drowned in. Drag her on to hell, she didn’t care, because she fought with every last bit of Hakuno Kishinami ( _herself_ ) that remained.

As the fire of agony burned through her, she was struck by the coldness and emptiness of nonexistance. So this was the end, then. No mouth left to scream with, no hands to claw for the surface, nothing. Only need.

And then nothing.

 

 

 

She bumped against something.

“Wha… I shouldn’t be here anymore--” it wasn’t her voice, it was a man, one she didn’t recognize. Magic surged through her circuits, bringing sight back to her again, hazy at first, seeing only brown skin and white hair and wanting desperately for it to be her servant.

But no, it wasn’t Archer, his hair was too long, his face and clothes too different, his arms too covered in black tattoos for him to be hers. Who was this man, an arbiter of her death? The final desperate wish of a dying girl? His features cleared as she looked at him (yellow eyes, straight brows, a look of confusion so plain that there was no way it was her servant, robes that flowed through the data of the sea, no one she recognized). A familiar pain seared through her hand, but all she could think to say was, “Who… are you?”

“Someone who shouldn’t exist,” he blurted out, clearly more than a little panicked. “Ah, that is to say, I should have been erased from existence, but I’m pretty clearly here right now which means that something must’ve gone wrong. And this _seems_ like the Lunar Sea, but that shouldn’t exist in the reality I’m from, so--”

“So you’re a servant,” she said calmly, breath catching inside her artificial ribcage. If in a moment of desperation she’d summoned another servant, than surely, _surely_ she could still live.

The servant stared at her, as though there was something that she wasn’t understanding about his panic. Admittedly, there were many things she never understood, like the killing she had to keep doing in order to survive or the circumstances that brought her into being with a personality intact as much as it had for the Other. But no matter the troubles this man was having, one thing was clear; if he was a servant, she must have summoned him and he was therefore obligated to help her. Maybe he was cowardly, but if he was a servant, he had been brought there by her. Hakuno could almost visibly see the laps his mind was running as he attempted to explain _how_ he was there, but the Lunar Sea was starting to stagnate and fade around them.

While his panic could have been justified, this was neither the time nor place. He continued muttering to himself, “If I’m here, then humanity… have I doomed them again? No, I’m certain Ars Almadel Salomonis worked properly…”

“Listen, I have no idea what’s happened to put you in this kind of panic, but if you’re a servant, then I’ve clearly summoned you, and I need you to help me. I have to get back to earth,” She said in as even a tone she could manage.

The other person opened his mouth and closed it again. Eventually, he muttered, “I don’t know if there’ll even be an earth, if I’m still here.”

A frown creased her brow. No earth? Well she didn’t even have a body, so who even knew if that’d be a problem. “If I don’t try, then I may as well spit in the face of everyone who’s pushed me this far. I have to live for them. If you can’t help me, then so be it, but we don’t have time for you to be worrying about what may or may not have happened.”

Though the expression on his face was still troubled, her words seemed to have struck something inside of him. His expression became less panicked, more placid. Finally, weakly, he said, “My class is Caster. It’s… good to meet you, master.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Lunar Sea was crumbling with each passing moment she pushed through it, with each bare floor she ran through (Caster trailing behind and complaining that she should slow down) rushing its deleting code towards her own. She didn’t have the luxury of taking it easy, not when she knew the Other was approaching the Holy Grail. It was inevitable that without any way to revitalize her Servant, even he would get tired of disposing of any remnants waiting for deletion.

They must’ve been on the sixth floor when he suggested, “There’s pieces of a reality marble here. I could take the latent energy and give us a place to rest, if you want.”

“Won’t that be a drain on your mana?” perhaps she was speaking largely from experience with Archer, but his Noble Phantasm was a reality of blades; it was something of a mutual drain when he generated it. Maybe Caster was better suited to it, but she didn’t want him to waste magical energy if he didn’t have to.

The man shook his head with that same gentle grin he wore when he’d introduced himself. As though there was no trouble at all to regenerating a reality marble they could take a break in. “Since I’m Caster class, it shouldn’t be any trouble for me to use a bit of my mana and recreate it.”

That last bit was what most concerned her. If he used his mana, there wasn’t a way for her to regenerate it, not with what remained in the war. If he had to use what precious resources they had just to give her a break… she shook her head, “I can keep going, don’t worry.”

Her new servant visibly slumped at this, his smile tightening across his face. “Please, can we rest? I haven’t been a servant in so long, I’m super tired.”

Ah, so it wasn’t for her sake at all. She supposed instantaneous resting would be better than nothing at all. Especially if it was her servant who was tired. Hakuno nodded her assent and Caster immediately began to draw the remaining magic into a small, but functional room that the pair now occupied. Caster let his feet drop to the ground, relaxing into a casual pose that seemed almost as though he was faking his tranquility. Nevertheless, his master tucked her legs underneath her and took a seat across from him, letting the soreness loosen from her muscles. 

Was this a good time to ask who he really was? Yes, it took over a month to convince Archer to open up his heart to her, but time continued to be a luxury herself and Caster did not possess. While she doubted they’d face anything that would require her to know his Noble Phantasm, it was at least something she’d like to keep tucked away in her brain for future reference… “You aren’t one to emote much, are you?”

His statement roused her from her thoughts. She’d never gotten a question like that from Rani or Archer, but then again neither of _them_ were particularly expressive. “I guess not,” she said, resting her head on her own knees. 

“Well, ah, at least you’re pretty straightforward,” he replied, as though the comment would’ve been particularly hurtful to her. Her servant simply stated a fact, even with infinitely less biting sarcasm than she’d come to expect from Archer. 

Why did she miss that guy so much?

She looked up at Caster with a stare that would’ve gone bone-deep if it was able. While he’d made comments about her running, it wasn’t as though this was something she was unused to; her previous Servant had also made a point of mentioning how inane her habit of jogging around the Lunar Sea Floors was. He’d arrived, panicking over… something, clearly. That he 'shouldn’t exist’ (granted, neither should she). Well, he’d just praised how straightforward she was, right? No harm in asking directly. “Why were you so worried when I summoned you?”

The smile on his lips tightened as he flinched from her question. “Has anyone told you that you’re a little _too_ straightforward?” he mumbled out, signs of a frown starting to weigh on his face. Yet not once did he let his placid smile slip. “So… it might be best to start from the beginning, but I’m not from the same universe as this one.”

The amnesiac nodded, “You said that, yes.”

“Where I’m from, there was something that destroyed all of humanity, and possessed my dead body to do it. My friends tried to stop him with sheer fighting power, to save humanity, but… in the end, I stopped him by erasing myself. From everything. It was the only way I could continue to help,” He paused, before changing his previous statement, “Or at least it was supposed to be from everything.”

“Your friends?”

“Ah… yes, I had a number of friends whose specific mission was to save the world. I did my best to help them,” his smile took on an almost wistful quality as he spoke of them, as though it was something that he missed. Which was odd to her, since he spoke of his sacrifice as something that couldn’t be helped. 

“...So you just gave up?”

The smile on his face seemed for a moment to be far too worn, and she suddenly longed her former servant’s wry smirk or the homunculus’ minute grin. This new servant of hers seemed to feel everything could be solved with a smile. She would’ve much preferred a difficult but hard-won smile over one that held no meaning. “I had a good life. I lived for 30 years, that was more than some get. Erasing myself was more than fair.”

Hakuno interrupted his thoughts with a swat at his head. Caster yelped in surprise, (she couldn’t imagine that a human could hit hard enough to actually hurt a servant), staring at her wide-eyed. Before he could ask why, she answered him, “Didn’t you stop to think that your friends were fighting to save you, too? Aren’t you part of humanity as well?”

“I’m a servant. One specifically tasked with saving mankind. I can’t just abandon that on a selfish whim,” he said in a grave tone that invited no argument, yet the arguments continued to linger behind her teeth. Servants, homunculi, it all mattered to her. They were all valuable and magnificent to Hakuno. Just because he existed to save humanity didn’t mean he needed to abandon himself.

Perhaps it was a pointless endeavor. After all, if someone felt their existence meant only saving others or doing their duty, changing that mindset would be hard. Especially if they were a Servant. Part of her could understand holding onto the reason you were made (she’d never had a reason for her own existence that until recently), there was nothing noble about self sacrifice. It was just another way to give up on yourself. Even if they’d only just met, giving up on Caster felt like giving up on herself. That wasn’t how Archer or Rani would want her to be. 

“It wouldn’t be a whim. You’d do it because you matter, because the love your friends have for you matters. Anything less would be a slap in the face to them,” She didn’t shout it, but the words were clear as she said it. 

Her servant flinched, as though she had actually swatted him again. “...You really are someone who cherishes life, huh. Not really that different at all…” 

“Hm?”

“Ah, nothing,” that placid smile had reappeared on his face as though it had never left. How bothersome. He shifted a little, fingers interlacing around his knee loosely and he asked, “So, I’m not your first Servant, right? At least, I can’t imagine I would be, there was another Caster that was meant to be here.”

“Archer was my first, you’re right. I…” she wasn’t even certain what had happened to him. In her mind’s eye, she could picture him, whole (or burned), his smile a sardonic smirk that accompanied a rude comment (or else something small and fragile, something that had been broken time and time again, something she wanted to hold safe in the cage of her heart). What had happened to him? Was he taking care of Rani? Was she taking care of him? She, too, danced into Hakuno’s imagination, her fragile body and fragile smile kept small under her wide eyes. Another memory to hold in her heart as long as she pushed herself to exist.

A soft sigh from her new Servant brought her back to reality. “Sorry, it’s just… the outcome of your story. You’re supposed to be deleted, because you’re erroneous data, right?”

“Yes,” as much as she hated to think about it, her existence wasn’t meant to be. But even so, even so she had vivid memories of defeating the final Master in the war, continuing to the Moon Cell. Maybe that, too, was erroneous data, she didn’t know, but not fighting to continue forward… that was a disservice to the ones who had died along the way.

“So how were you able--no, not just able, how were you _physically capable_ of summoning someone? I can’t make sense of it,” the man’s eyebrows knit together, trying to piece together what had happened. 

The answer, of course, was that she didn’t have an answer. The system wanted to delete her, her servant had vanished, summoning someone else was cheating, frankly. But Hakuno was, after all, a collection of erroneous data. Who was to say she hadn’t already infected the system from her existence alone? And, after all, sometimes the simplest answer was correct. “I was being deleted, I needed help. You were also being deleted. Maybe Moon Cell thought that meant you could help,” she replied, a grin flickering to life on her lips.

This seemed to catch him off-guard, the fake smile dropping as he saw her expression change. “You know, you remind me of…” Yet Caster did not finish his sentence, eyes darting to the Lunar Sea around them, “Ugh, we’re out of time. I guess that’s enough of a break.”

“Back to running, then.”

“Eh, seriously?” the man pouted for a fraction of a second, a gesture that seemed paradoxically alien and completely befitting at the same time. But yes, his master was getting to her feet, dusting her skirt as she did so. He made a soft noise (a grumble, if she had to guess), but he dropped the reality marble and she hit the ground running. 

Caster trailed behind (it nearly gave her the feeling of taking an unwilling dog for a walk). Yet given the experience of the previous floors, she wasn’t worried about enemies nipping at her heels. All she needed was to continue forward, and her Servant would follow; just as she always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'why did it take you so long to write this bluh bluh' sleeby


End file.
